The Road to Hell

Is paved with good intentions. Now I have a man whom I love more than anything. He is plagued with so many problems that it does not make sense. Is it fair? No. Definitely not because he's a good man. I love him, as Pablo Neruda would say, as certain dark things are to be loved between the shadows and the soul. Sometimes being with him and being without him is like being between a rock and a hard place. Sometimes it seems every time I open my mouth it is insulting to him. It hurts him. When he's like that I don't think he realizes that I am hurt too. He does not hear my heart when it cries out for him. Maybe he does I don't know. I want the absolute best for him. I always have. Somewhere in history I think we loved before. I was his queen and he was my king.

At this point, I am starting to think we have to go through the things. We've already been lovers and we were good at that. I was a good woman before him, a fabulous woman with him and now I still got his back and I'm learning to be his friend. Songs seem to fit my mood tonight.

Love is a part of our story.
Hate is a part of our story.
Making up. Breaking up.
It's all there.

We just have to learn to deal with it. I have told him before about my feelings. He knows how I feel...knows he's my heart. Understands my essence comes from him. He reads me as I do him and on some primal level we understand each other. Sometimes I feel that the love we have for one another is on such an odd plane that even we cannot comprehend it. It's that unselfish kind of love, the kind of love that makes you wanna do what is best for the other person, even though it is crushing you. It is putting up with their bullsh*t because you know they will put up with yours. Then, at the end of the day you can go to bed and wake up knowing that you've accomplished something you've made them feel loved. When they lay down at night they know you're gonna be there the next day. Sometimes they things you go through are little things. Things that you can move past that day. Sometimes it takes a week, sometimes a month. And like I said before, you don 't learn that someone loves you in between the sheets (or wherever you do things) but you learn it when you feel like you're in hell and that person is there with you. They don't leave you. They go with you. They take your pain and hold it in their hearts. The funny thing is you don't have to go out of your way to make them feel your pain. They feel it anyway. They see it on your face and they hear it in your voice. When they sleep, they sleep with your burdens and dream of a day when they can be fixed. I just don't know what to say other than the fact I am in love with someone whose mind is so burdened he sometimes feels like he can't go on. He loves me, I know that, but how can I go on everyday in happiness with a smile knowing he feels miserable?

I can't.
I have to.
It's hard.
I pray for perfect peace for both us.

-Peace Destroyed