Exactly Why You Should Wait....

If you’re 13, 14, 15 and you have sex, this is not gourmet stuff. Nobody’s buying you a bottle of wine and candlelight and putting some romantic music on. No, you’re in the clothes closet or down near the dryer or dishwasher saying, ‘Hurry up before my mother comes home.’ That’s why you don’t know the boy’s name.
- Bill Cosby

Now I wasn't even really gonna say anything but when I read this quote...it just came to me. Somebody somewhere needs to do something. Young women are going to die and we're killing ourselves for love. Young women in this 13, 14, 15 year old category are going to die of HIV because they don't know any better. No one is teaching them to watch out for themselves, to have some self-esteem or to know their worth. Some of them have mothers and fathers in jail, while others have fathers who walked out or never knew they existed and still yet there are some with mothers who are tricking in the street because they never learned better.

It saddens me. While I am young, I know what it's like to be wined and dined. I know every man I've been with, what he does for a living and in some cases his Social Security Number. Yes, I've got it down to a fine art.

I digress.

Anyways...sometime I look at soon to be 14 year old cousin and I want to scream because I know I can stop her from having to face pain and heartache and she doesn't even know. Hell, I'm still swallowing those big girl pills. It's just so damned difficult. With an alarming rate of men going to jail, coming out with a trade and going back to his rural (non HIV educated) community and spreading himself around (because he can make money thus telling women no condom) we are rampantly being infected and bearing infected children.

What can be done about this problem? Does anyone think Obama, as the first black president, can try to band-aid the AIDS crisis in Black America?

Possession?

So I had a conversation with a friend and we discussed men and women and the different methods of hooking up....

Basically we decided men and women are different because if a woman initiates a no strings attached type thing...men will be cool with it, BUT if a man tries to do the same women will likely not accept it, because as soon as they display a "this can be my man" characteristic the jig is totally up. I thought about this and decided his was correct.

Then he related the strangest anecdote about a woman who made a marital comment during a sexual journey...ummm I need you to never do that. You will never get the d*ck again doing some stuff like that. That scares men and hell as a woman it scares me when men want me to tell them I love them during the act...SERIOUSLY?!?!!?!?? I don't think so. I don't want anything more than the vitamin D.

So my friend informed me that this is a tactic by men to possess the woman they are with. WTF? Am I a piece of property? But anyways, I digress....So apparently once you let a man tap that he thinks that it's his permanently.

So I thought about it then I realized this has happened to me. Yes, I was with someone who referred to me as his up until lately when he declared that he felt I no longer belonged to him. Well...ok...So now this has me thinking about the real dynamics of relationships between men and women and our fundamental differences....



To be continued....

Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams

Now I love me some Beyonce, but I have got to hand it to lil sis Solange. Girlfriend handled business on her newest CD.

I personally enjoy Valentine's Day and Cosmic Journey (ft. Bilal). Solange has enough dance, enough love and enough spunk all rolled into one.

Check it out on Tuesday!!!



If you can't wait, check it out here!

Happy Sunday!

What Does It Take?

"The chemist who can extract from his heart's elements, compassion, respect, longing, patience, regret, suprise, and forgiveness and compound them into one can create that one atom called love."

Kahlil Gibran, 1883

Chemistry-the interaction of one personality with another.
Chemistry-any or all of the elements which make up a certain compound.

A combination of many things can result in love. A combination of some of those things may result in lust, while others will result in friendship.

I recently read an article which detailed five specific types of chemistry. I wonder if anyone would agree with this:

1. Sexual chemistry-As I'm sure we all know and have felt this is the most common type of chemistry. Usually when you meet someone and you feel this type of chemistry you are trying to get out the club and back to this person's house. Yep-all you're thinking is let me get me get it on and that's all. Yes, you can feel this for multiple people at once and when you scratch the itch...it's like getting high, eventually you will want it again.

2. Comfortable chemistry-"I loved you gray sweatpants, no make-up...so perfect" John Mayer spoke some powerful words there. He loved that girl and he swore that they were so comfortable. She was everything that he would have wanted in a friend and as a result a lover. Yep, just because you have that comfort zone doesn't mean that there's no sexual chemistry coming.

3. Comedic chemistry-Girls just wanna have fun. So do guys. It'll help out later...trust me.

4.Complementary chemistry-All you do is laugh. Silliness is the order of the day when you two are together. This is usually found with someone who is complementary to you and not supplementary....like the quarterback who dates the nerdy girl. He feels smart and she feels beautiful.

5.We're just too alike chemistry-The person who matches you in everything. It's like having another you! Which works for well...predictability.

Try one or better yet, try them all and see how you get along!

Reciprocity

So this morning I had a very interesting conversation with a very interesting man.

He was pretty damned amazing on all levels: funny, smart, creative, etc. then we "discussed" a little mind sex. From this I told him he was so good at it I could have cooked him brunch right then. He replied that he'd "bust some suds". I was shocked because I am not used to a man wanting to this and he replied that it was a partnership and when you give help you get help. From an educated, black male I was not shocked. But I was grateful that I even ran across this person. This leads me to believe that there are good black men out there, if they have not been burned by some "buckethead" chick who really doesn't give a damned.

Now, this is not to say that a man should be a simp, however, if he is with a good woman who treats him as though he is a good man then he could act accordingly. Now these are just random thoughts, which should make a cohesive argument that black men and women can live together and raise families if we just had a little reciprocity.

Mind Sex...

"Mind sex...we ain't gotta take our clothes off yet, we can burn an incense and just chat..."

Excellent lyric. Anyways I have been meditating all week long on exactly what constitutes mind sex? I had a great conversation with a fabulous mind. It was so great, like damned near orgasmic. So I was thinking to myself, isn't mind sex the best form of foreplay out there? I certainly think so. If you can capture my intellect then there's a good chance you will be able to capture much more than that. Give me a good glass of wine, some relaxing music and a man with a soothing sexy voice and I am done for. Anyways, that's just my little thought-for the moment at least.

*This is dedicated to Mr. Love