I Am Not My Sister's Keeper

SoOoOoO...Anyone out there ever dated someone then a close friend, sibling or cousin dates them?

I think that's a bit odd. I mean I would never want anyone whose been anywhere near my best friend's mouth ( I love you girl ) But still it's almost like incest.

Now, has anyone ever done it as a result of feeling that your mate was cheating so you try to corrupt their minds?

I was just thinking of it. After listening to the Gerald Levert "Eyes and Ears" I was like wow...Sean that's your brother's woman and you trying to get in it? Oh just to spite her.

And I'll knock your black ass out. Good Looking Out Gerald!


RIP Both of you.

Down Low Brothers and Their Affect On the Community

I have always known that gay black men were out there. I have always done my best to stay away from them but it's hard to do that when they seem to be everywhere. They seem to have varying ways of infiltrating all forms of society. Just yesterday I met two down low black men. Both of them told me that it appeared I would be comfortable with their behavior and bi-curious ways. The first one I quickly dismissed the second one I took the time to listen and I learned for one, there's nothing wrong with women, it's just like an itch or a need that they feel the need to pay attention. I wonder if there's a common link here. Is it that they feel a need to be dominated? Has society made these men feel as though they need to do more to feel love.

Furthermore, the bisexual thing is also catching me off guard. It's not enough to have a woman, but you also need a man AND some of them want these men to come into their marriages. Are you serious?!?!!?!? If my husband, boyfriend, friends with benefits, whatever told me that he wanted to bring another woman in my bed I'd raise an eyebrow, but another man!?!? And for his pleasure? Somebody definitely has lost their minds.

In this day and age of cheating, lying and broken marriages don't we already have enough to deal with...notwithstanding the high AIDS rates. No wonder HIV is running rampant through the black community from babies to teens to even grandmothers you would think we would all take better care, yet sadly many women are just so glad to have a man on their arm who pays the bills that they will accept this behavior. Absolutely appalling.

For a taste of exactly how men are getting away with this click here.

And do you all think about this? Is this a fad? Is it going to be the downfall of the black community?

Tell me your thoughts.

Interracial Dating

So I am having a discussion with two friends of mine about interracial dating...

My male friend says other guys are always asking him about how black women are.

My female friends says they are asking and then they want to try it out.

Let's do a little analysis.

Male point of view: He says that his other friends cannot find an attractive black chick to kick it with it. "Man, look...it's getting cold. Snowbunnies is bout to be out in this b*tch and I'm jumping on a white rabbit...but I love my coffee but I need to add some cream". Ok Eric, whatever you say.

Female point of view: "You know how I feel about this".-She only dates non-black men and I keep trying to tell her when you get through playing she will find an attractive, professional black man with that good wood. I ain't lying y'all she gonna do it.

Now for my own point of view: My first boyfriend was a wealthy white guy who gave me everything I could have dreamed and desired. EVERYTHING. If I lost it then he bought it again. Then when I got serious and got ready to start looking for husbands...they became chocolate, caramel, honey, whatever but black....yes indeed.

What say you good people? Is interracial dating cool or does it make you sick?

How to Make Love to a Black Woman

How do you make love, to a Black Woman?
How do you make love to a Black Woman,
Romantically and Patiently;
Take the time to make love to her mind.
Fulfill all of her midnight wishes.
Cover her entire body with soft wet kisses.
Tell her, so that she will know!
There's no place on her body
your tongue won't go.
And, when you love a Black Woman,
you love her real slow.

How do you make love, to a Black Woman?
How do you make love to a Black Woman,
Passionately and Sincerely;
Let her Sweetness become your Weakness.
Do not use just the Penis, But include your ear.
Listen to the sweet sound of her moans
and see what you hear.
Feel the warmth and care of her loving embrace.
Place your mouth on hers and savor the taste.

How do you make love, to a Black Woman?
How do you make love to a Black Woman,
Sensually and Honestly;
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Tell her that you love her,
more and more with each passing day.

Let all of the fantasies that dance in her head.
Become her moonlight reality
when it's time to go to bed.
Kiss and lick all over her body
until you find all her right spots.
Touch and caress her soft skin
and make her real hot.
Mutual satisfaction is a lover's plan.
Love her, cause you are in love with her.
She's your Woman and your her Man.

How do you make love, to a Black Woman?
How do you make love to a Black Woman,
Lovingly and completely;
Love her until her "Screams of Passion"
are all you that hear.
Suck on her neck and stick
your tongue in her ear.
Hold her soft round ass
in the palm of your hands.
Let her sexual wishes
become your loving commands.

Love your Black Woman with
your Mind, Body and Soul.
She's the most precious gift on this Earth.
She's worth her weight in gold.

How do you make love to a Black Woman?
There's only one true way to start.
To make love to a Black Woman,
Give her your heart

-Unknown

I absolutely agree...there's nothing more to be said.

Why Can't A Woman Ask

I was having a discussion today with one of the best men I know. I randomly told him that I feel that black women in this generation are not as bad off as we think. In fact, we are not as scarred as we think. We have been one of the most privileged group of all time. For those of us who aren't we have taken that to shape us into better women.

Today's young black woman gets angry about lack of child support, men being dogs, etc. Yet, we are not realizing that we are strong enough to handle all of these things on our own. We are strong women whose mothers and grandmothers paved the way for us. Those women understood what it was like to have to walk in the back door, be stay at home moms and make it work off of $100 monthly if that. We really don't have it so bad, but if there is a problem we swear up and down that it's the black man's fault. And then, we will see one that we think is a good one we will damned near walk around the building because we know he's attractive but we don't wanna ask him out.

LADIES! You can walk right up to a man, introduce yourself and ask for his number. It's 2008. I think the men would appreciate it they have to deal with facing rejection far more than we ever have. Think about it, all you have to do is look half decent and you will get holla'ed at no matter what.

Think about it...you might find the man of your dreams this way.

No One is Writing Your Life

So, to those who actually know me you all know that I love to read. I will read anything, but I loooove black urban fiction. Yep-Carl Weber, Rochelle Alers, Zane...any of them I don't care as long as it's about black people.

This week I have already read two books and I think that black women reading these books is bringing about the demise of the black relationship. Yep! I said it and here's why:

As teenagers we treat relationships like they are fairy tales. We think everything should be roses, clouds and laughter. Then we hit the real world and we realize sometimes the sh*t just don't work. Sometimes she won't clean up or he won't bring his check home. So you got a dirty house, I look a mess and you're hungry. Ain't nobody happy.

So I was reading this book by Rochelle Alers where the woman says let's just be friends with benefits (do we ever say that?) and the man who after 35 years ain't loved nobody starts to love her. Now I predict women reading this damned book and thinking this will work for them.

NEWSFLASH!!!! You're f*cking over yourself.

Then I read Carl Weber's Married Men earlier in the summer. This woman told this man she wanted 80% of his income because of a picture (enhanced of course) which made it look as though he was cheating. It worked a minute. The judge wanted to say what the hell is wrong with both you (for fictitious effect it didn't happen). Ladies you cannot just demand a man give you all his damned money-it don't work like that. And if you do...in this day and age either you'll end up on Snapped or he'll end up on Forensic Files.

All I'm saying is it just doesn't work. Real relationships don't exist in the manner these do. There's not always going to be someone running down the street trying to get you to come back, sometimes they're just gonna let your ass leave and then pray you don't come back.

Just my opinion.

Girl, Gimme Dat...

So over over on SBM there's a commenter's discussion going on about what it takes to get a woman to give it up.

I was thinking to myself...what does it take for someone to get it...

Well I came up with just a few things for one, I like a man who touches me ALOT.

Then can I get someone who rubs me, bathes me, lotions me.

Treat me like I mean a little something to you and I'm all yours. And it's weird because it can 't just be anyone doing anything. It has to be the right man with that swagger, that confidence...that bomb sh*t. Yep I know some of the women know what I'm talking about.

Possession?

So I had a conversation with a friend and we discussed men and women and the different methods of hooking up....

Basically we decided men and women are different because if a woman initiates a no strings attached type thing...men will be cool with it, BUT if a man tries to do the same women will likely not accept it, because as soon as they display a "this can be my man" characteristic the jig is totally up. I thought about this and decided his was correct.

Then he related the strangest anecdote about a woman who made a marital comment during a sexual journey...ummm I need you to never do that. You will never get the d*ck again doing some stuff like that. That scares men and hell as a woman it scares me when men want me to tell them I love them during the act...SERIOUSLY?!?!!?!?? I don't think so. I don't want anything more than the vitamin D.

So my friend informed me that this is a tactic by men to possess the woman they are with. WTF? Am I a piece of property? But anyways, I digress....So apparently once you let a man tap that he thinks that it's his permanently.

So I thought about it then I realized this has happened to me. Yes, I was with someone who referred to me as his up until lately when he declared that he felt I no longer belonged to him. Well...ok...So now this has me thinking about the real dynamics of relationships between men and women and our fundamental differences....



To be continued....

What Does It Take?

"The chemist who can extract from his heart's elements, compassion, respect, longing, patience, regret, suprise, and forgiveness and compound them into one can create that one atom called love."

Kahlil Gibran, 1883

Chemistry-the interaction of one personality with another.
Chemistry-any or all of the elements which make up a certain compound.

A combination of many things can result in love. A combination of some of those things may result in lust, while others will result in friendship.

I recently read an article which detailed five specific types of chemistry. I wonder if anyone would agree with this:

1. Sexual chemistry-As I'm sure we all know and have felt this is the most common type of chemistry. Usually when you meet someone and you feel this type of chemistry you are trying to get out the club and back to this person's house. Yep-all you're thinking is let me get me get it on and that's all. Yes, you can feel this for multiple people at once and when you scratch the itch...it's like getting high, eventually you will want it again.

2. Comfortable chemistry-"I loved you gray sweatpants, no make-up...so perfect" John Mayer spoke some powerful words there. He loved that girl and he swore that they were so comfortable. She was everything that he would have wanted in a friend and as a result a lover. Yep, just because you have that comfort zone doesn't mean that there's no sexual chemistry coming.

3. Comedic chemistry-Girls just wanna have fun. So do guys. It'll help out later...trust me.

4.Complementary chemistry-All you do is laugh. Silliness is the order of the day when you two are together. This is usually found with someone who is complementary to you and not supplementary....like the quarterback who dates the nerdy girl. He feels smart and she feels beautiful.

5.We're just too alike chemistry-The person who matches you in everything. It's like having another you! Which works for well...predictability.

Try one or better yet, try them all and see how you get along!

Reciprocity

So this morning I had a very interesting conversation with a very interesting man.

He was pretty damned amazing on all levels: funny, smart, creative, etc. then we "discussed" a little mind sex. From this I told him he was so good at it I could have cooked him brunch right then. He replied that he'd "bust some suds". I was shocked because I am not used to a man wanting to this and he replied that it was a partnership and when you give help you get help. From an educated, black male I was not shocked. But I was grateful that I even ran across this person. This leads me to believe that there are good black men out there, if they have not been burned by some "buckethead" chick who really doesn't give a damned.

Now, this is not to say that a man should be a simp, however, if he is with a good woman who treats him as though he is a good man then he could act accordingly. Now these are just random thoughts, which should make a cohesive argument that black men and women can live together and raise families if we just had a little reciprocity.

Mind Sex...

"Mind sex...we ain't gotta take our clothes off yet, we can burn an incense and just chat..."

Excellent lyric. Anyways I have been meditating all week long on exactly what constitutes mind sex? I had a great conversation with a fabulous mind. It was so great, like damned near orgasmic. So I was thinking to myself, isn't mind sex the best form of foreplay out there? I certainly think so. If you can capture my intellect then there's a good chance you will be able to capture much more than that. Give me a good glass of wine, some relaxing music and a man with a soothing sexy voice and I am done for. Anyways, that's just my little thought-for the moment at least.

*This is dedicated to Mr. Love

The Road to Hell

Is paved with good intentions. Now I have a man whom I love more than anything. He is plagued with so many problems that it does not make sense. Is it fair? No. Definitely not because he's a good man. I love him, as Pablo Neruda would say, as certain dark things are to be loved between the shadows and the soul. Sometimes being with him and being without him is like being between a rock and a hard place. Sometimes it seems every time I open my mouth it is insulting to him. It hurts him. When he's like that I don't think he realizes that I am hurt too. He does not hear my heart when it cries out for him. Maybe he does I don't know. I want the absolute best for him. I always have. Somewhere in history I think we loved before. I was his queen and he was my king.

At this point, I am starting to think we have to go through the things. We've already been lovers and we were good at that. I was a good woman before him, a fabulous woman with him and now I still got his back and I'm learning to be his friend. Songs seem to fit my mood tonight.

Love is a part of our story.
Hate is a part of our story.
Making up. Breaking up.
It's all there.

We just have to learn to deal with it. I have told him before about my feelings. He knows how I feel...knows he's my heart. Understands my essence comes from him. He reads me as I do him and on some primal level we understand each other. Sometimes I feel that the love we have for one another is on such an odd plane that even we cannot comprehend it. It's that unselfish kind of love, the kind of love that makes you wanna do what is best for the other person, even though it is crushing you. It is putting up with their bullsh*t because you know they will put up with yours. Then, at the end of the day you can go to bed and wake up knowing that you've accomplished something you've made them feel loved. When they lay down at night they know you're gonna be there the next day. Sometimes they things you go through are little things. Things that you can move past that day. Sometimes it takes a week, sometimes a month. And like I said before, you don 't learn that someone loves you in between the sheets (or wherever you do things) but you learn it when you feel like you're in hell and that person is there with you. They don't leave you. They go with you. They take your pain and hold it in their hearts. The funny thing is you don't have to go out of your way to make them feel your pain. They feel it anyway. They see it on your face and they hear it in your voice. When they sleep, they sleep with your burdens and dream of a day when they can be fixed. I just don't know what to say other than the fact I am in love with someone whose mind is so burdened he sometimes feels like he can't go on. He loves me, I know that, but how can I go on everyday in happiness with a smile knowing he feels miserable?

I can't.
I have to.
It's hard.
I pray for perfect peace for both us.

-Peace Destroyed

I don't even know where to start...

I have so many things I want to blog about...every time I take a breath there's something else to blog about!

I guess I should start with where I left off yesterday...I ended mentioning Martin Luther King...but where I was going with that was the following:

People keep comparing Michelle Obama's class and style to Jackie O...Now I love me some Kennedy anything, BUT what about comparing her to the wonderful Coretta Scott King?

Here's a black woman who endured so much pain during her life because her husband was one of the front runners for the civil rights which so many of us take for granted today.

Well, here's what I think: if you are going to compare a strong black woman to anyone you should probably compare her to another strong black woman in history. Someone who, if she were alive, would rejoice in what is going on, who would give advice on everything from how to decorate the White House to fashion choices and even how to stand by him when he messes up (yep...Martin messed up). Kinda reminds me of what Jackie O did for Hillary as she moved into the White House in 1992. Someone tell me you can see the connection I am trying to make here. :) Anyways that's that.

Furthermore, I attended church last evening for Bible Study. I really enjoyed everything that the women's group discussed as well as the general Bible Study. It was my first time setting foot in the church and they were all so welcoming and nice. I learned that I must be obedient to God and his will. Also any trials and tribulations that we go through can come from many different places, we just have to be prepared for all of them. The pastor also said something which warmed my heart....he said many of us think someone loves us because of things that don't really matter. "You don't find love on a hot July night under the sheets, you find it when you go through things and that person stands by your side". He is absolutely right. I know for a fact that I found love when my health was not what it should have been. The love of my life stood by my side through my problems and I am going to stand by him during his regardless. That's what Coretta would have done. In fact, that's what she did. She stood by Martin no matter what he did. She stood by him no matter what things he might have done or been accused of. Yep-that's the kinda woman I'd like to be. I have to say it is difficult sometimes, because you want to put yourself behind them.

I don't know why I feel like that but I seem to always feel as though it is my job and duty to stand behind those I love. Even when it isn't easy. I agree when the going gets tough the tough get going. In my time being loved the way I should have been along I have been told so many things that I cannot believe. I have learned my worth. It is far more than that of diamonds or pearls. It cannot even be described. I think when you realize this, lose it and realize it again, then and only then are you well on your way to learning you...being flawed and trying to fix it.

So even when you totally mess up and hurt everyone around you, especially those you love the most you never, ever lose your sense of being a good woman. You learn that you are and trials will always happen you just have to know when to ask for help. In other words, know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em...and I can't even play poker ;)

-In Peace and Joy

Mhm...

I am watching this play on BET right now. Now before people start tripping out on me their Sunday afternoon plays are often very good. It's about three couples and the men who just don't have their act together. Now a new man moves into the complex and manages to charm all the women making them all feel special in a very unique way. Now one of the women asked him he has a better half. And he tells her no, because the way he sees it a whole man deserves a whole woman. Because if you are a half and something happens to the other half then you become a quarter and in his mind there's not a whole lot a man can get for a quarter in this day and time. First off, I hope I got the math right and secondly I think he is right. As a woman, I don't mind being that complementary part but I don't know if I am going to sit there and be supplementary. I just don't think I want be a half. I wanna be a whole. I wanna be something so complete and fly on my own that when something is missing I can put my finger on it and I know, on my own, how to fix it. Now that said...I also want to be so whole on my own that when I need to give to that special man I can. I can give to him without it being taxing to me. If something is wrong with baby, then yeah something is wrong with me, but does that mean that I have to crawl up in a big ol' ball and cry? I don't think so. It means i have to stand firm and flat-footed. I will support him, but what I am not gonna do is be his momma and bandage all his boo-boos.

Now yesterday on a blog that I like I read this little thing about how to please a woman. Yes! You have to love her, wine her, dine her, excite her, you know like the Christmas Victoria's Secret commercials...give her everything she wants and nothing she needs. Now every now and then women need to feel like that. We need to feel like you give us what we need everyday, so then you give us what we want.

Finally I got a little question...is a good woman more like a house or a car...I'll answer that later or tomorrow.